honored_one | IC Inbox; UN: yourgirlfriendsboyfriend

No, nothing like this. [ Gideon has no idea whether anywhere else looks like this spectacular view Gojo's discovered. The First House got real light from Dominicus, but the planet was a fucked up place next to Folkmore. It's the only place with weather Gideon had been before here, and she's been in Folkmore far longer than she was at the First House. Folkmore's her normal there from Wintermute to Never Fade and everywhere in between. ]

It sure does. Little ones and big ones. Tides wasn't here when I got here. There wasn't even an ocean. That's new. Only in Folkmore does that happen. It was my first time ever being on a beach.

It wasn't? [ He finds that surprising. It was such a huge, bustling place. But then again, Never Fade wasn't there until it suddenly was. ] Thirteen keeps herself busy, huh. The more people she draws in, the more space she's gotta make.

[ He looks down at Daisy and gives her a little scritch on the head, and she nuzzles against him in her sleep. She loves her big dumb human buddy. Still looking down, he addresses Gideon. ]

You probably really like it here, huh? 'Specially from what little I know about where you come from. Which, no offense, continues to sound weird as hell to someone like me. [ He says that with a little grin, though. ]

Nope. It's been here less than half the time. Sometimes I forget about it. It's not like Never Fade, which you can see looking up from the ground most places. Doesn't help Nereid isn't connected to the train directly.

[ Gideon shrugs. It happens. It's a thing. She mostly goes to Tides for the food. She's not an artsy arts type. ]

Where everyone else is from sounds weird as hell to me. [ Gideon grins back. She thinks to the trial Lavender put her through, the one that forced her to face what life back home is going to be like. She sighs. ]

Yes, I like it here. There's plenty to that. I've met way more people here than I have before in my whole life. I've had more and better food. A better bed to sleep in. So many things.

[ Gideon grooooooans in complaint at herself for getting serious. ] I learned something of my future back home about four months in. Then I ignored it for a year. More. Thirteen made me face it last month. That might be what I've enjoyed most about being here. Avoiding that future.

[ He nods at that, a small smile. Honestly, it really is a comfort to hear that for some people that he cares about here, that this weird place is truly a blessing. Maybe he hates it, but he can't hate it too hard when so many others get a reprieve from something even worse.

Pretty weird that this guy seems like he's in a serious mood too, but that usual energy seems nowhere to be found right now. However, when Gideon mentions her having to face her future, his head snaps up, his brow furrowed. When she says she enjoyed it, an eyebrow shoots up instead. ]

You... enjoyed learning it? So was it good news, or...? [ Though the particular use of the words Thirteen made me face it tells him all he needs to know. No one is forced to face good news. ]

[ Gideon blinks. Wow she said that thoughtlessly and not clear at all. ]

Oh, no. No no no no no nononono. I guess I haven't explained the situation I was in to you. If you think the world I'm from is weird, it's going to blow your mind right out of the water. It goes well beyond the imagination of most people here.

[ Gideon kicks with her legs until she's floating in the water upside down. It's not hard once she gets herself there. She spoke about this shit with people during the trial, but it's different sharing it with Gojo. Thirteen isn't setting everything up in a weird dramatic way. ]

I have enjoyed being in Folkmore where I'm in my own healthy, hale, hot af body. I know, you wish you could be as hot as me. [ Gideon winks. Humor still comes out as a defense mechanism. ]

It's the last place I'll get that. It's the only place where I get to be me like this. I died back home. Our backs were to the wall, and I sacrificed myself to save Harrow and Cam. Mostly Harrow, but Cam deserved to live too. I thought that would be that. Give Harrow the power up of the myriad, and I'd be yet another dead cavalier.

It wasn't the end. I'll skip over a whole bunch of shit, but when the fox found me, I was in Harrow's body with her fucking noodle arms and about to die. Again. I wasn't going gently into that cold night, but fuck, dude. Sometimes shit is that bad, you know?

Well, I don't know the details, but back home, I get yeeted out of Harrow's body and wind up back in my own. Sweet deal, you might think, but remember, I died. My body is dead. My soul getting shoved back in there like a jack-o-lantern won't bring me back to life. It's me... in my own corpse. That's my future, Gojo.

[ His listens, his expression flattening near the end, hard to read, as solemn as he ever gets. Gideon is hardly the first person he knows here who had died back home, making him only more thankful that Folkmore is a place that can exist for them.

He's not sure what to say. Gideon spills this information out so easily. He doesn't get how anyone can, really. She seems like she's come to terms with it, has had time to process it. Maybe had the right people to process it with. ]

And here you are. Hope that damn fox lets you stay for as long as you want, especially after showing you that.

[ Would it be the same for him? For Geto?

His shifts a bit in is place in the water, adjusting his hold on Daisy. ]

I almost died, y'know. Got real close, but then...[He shrugs. It's a lot to explain.] Sorcerer stuff. At the last second, I figured something out that was able to fix me. Then the goddamn fox had the gall to bring the guy who did it to me here. After he did that, after he shot and killed someone we were protecting right in front of Suguru. Then brings him here moments after that had happened. She does things like bring people here so they can live a new life, and then pulls shit like that, too.

[He doesn't get it. It infuriates him, and it shows. For every good thing he sees for everyone else here, the weight of everything that happens to himself here feels ten times heavier. ]

If you ever run into someone here named Fushiguro Toji, tell him to kiss your ass, okay? [ She's not the only one with a defense mechanism. ]

Edited (old habits die hard) 2024-03-03 16:17 (UTC)

Preeeeeetty sure 'this is your future' lessons don't mean you're gonna stay here forever. [ Gideon blows a big raspberry in the water. Little air bubbles float upward.

It's nice being alive here. Being able to eat all the delicious food and whatever else it is the dead can't do. Sleep? Do the dead/undead sleep? It's been a good long time here, but Gideon's used to everything being ruined or ending. That's how shit goes.

So she listens to Gojo instead. It's serious sharing time. ]

That sounds like Thirteen, sorry to say. Was talking with Sharon the other day about the fact Mercymorn used to be here. She tried to kill Harrow. Dunno if she succeeded. Harrow might be deader than me back home. She left after a few months, fortunately. Still, uuuuuuuugh, such a mood.

Thirteen is gonna Thirteen. Sometimes you can reason shit with her. I was able to save me from another timeline with her help, but end of the day she's who she is. The times I expect her to behave like something else, someone else, maybe a sane rational person who would think 'oh maybe not the person who almost murdered them both and killed someone else they cared about' that's when I get the most frustrated.

Valid as fuck, my dude. Unfortunately the only ones you're making miserable are yourself and people who give a fuck about you. So the question is, what can you do about it?

[ Gideon looks at Gojo seriously. Holding his goat companion is a good first step. It's not the second or last step however. ]

And I hope you appreciate how much I'm doing for you, as a lesbian, to tell this asshole to kiss my ass.

[ It is, unfortunately, serious sharing time. Or as much as Gojo's able to do that. Her last line does get one little chuckle out of him, at least. ]

That only means you saying it packs more punch.

[ However, "only ones you're making miserable are yourself and people who give a fuck about you" he knows is right, but it doesn't make it any easier to swallow. What can he do about it? Well... ]

The other sorcerers told me to ignore him. That he has no reason to hurt anyone here, let alone kill them. As if I can just forget what's he done. What he can do. [ Like use his Lore to bring certain weapons here. ] I can't even track him like the other sorcerers because he doesn't even have any cursed energy. None. Everyone where I'm from usually has some, but he's a special case.

[ That's the hardest part of Toji being here for him. If he could trace him, at least have an easier time avoiding him, or stopping him if he needed to.

It's all so much more than just Toji's presence, though. He looks so very tired.]

I know trying to apply logic to the whims of a fox god is a pretty dumb thing to do. But I feel the same way about all of us just going along with it and acting like the things that happen to us here are just... doing us any good at all.

[ He looks like he's struggling to articulate something, and looks at Gideon. His question may or may not be rhetorical.]

How do you even sleep at night knowing all that you do about you 'n Harrow's futures now?

Most people here don't have cursed energy. He's one of the masses now. You sorcerers are the exceptions. You can't track me by cursed energy can you?

[ She gets that they come from different worlds, that what Gojo is used to isn't how things work here. She also gets that this person freaks him the fuck out in a way she hasn't seen before from 'the strongest' sorcerer. Honestly, she's so used to so many biggest bestest strongest magicalest people that she doesn't care about that. She's never been the most ooh la la. Her corpse not rotting is the limit of her supernatural abilities. It isn't even useful. ]

If you can get over your rageboner for Thirteen, pull up your big boy pants, save up your Lore, and ask her to give you the power to track people you're scared of. Don't tell me he doesn't scare you. That's your scared voice.

[ Gideon comes in closer and takes Gojo's face in her hands. ]

Find a way to empower yourself through this shit. Things aren't just happening to us. That way lies a misery that no amount of cuddling a cute little goat will cure. It might not be much, but you can find it every trial.

Now, if you want to know how I sleep at night, we need to go to Tides. The slow way.

[ Giant skeletal wings plume out of her back. ]

Lets put the goat down and fly to Nereid. You can fly right? I can carry you if not.

Most of the masses here aren't sorcerer killers, Gideon.

[ No surprise to Gideon that he hates being told that he's scared, and when she takes his face in her hands, his glasses askew, he glowers at her as she tells him exactly what he needs to be told. She does gets away with touching him, though, which says something on its own.

There's a brief moment while she's doing that where he almost slips and mentions the movie he and Geto were forced to watch. The damage that it's done. The fact that everything seems far too broken to fix. Almost, but he doesn't. ]

To Tides? Why? Like hell you're carrying me.

[ He gives his goat a little tap on the forehead to wake her up, before letting her go to swim off. ] Sorry Daiz, I'd bring you with me if I could. Go give Sharon's big goat a headbutt for me, okay?

[ Gideon is sure the various gods, chosen ones, and special weird whosits could take down a sorcerer. Some of them could go toe-to-toe with Gojo. Toss the dice to see who wins. He doesn't need to hear that though, not when he's already so fucking scared.

There's so much going on behind those blue eyes that must be a hit with the boys. He's already told her something of it. ]

For starters because it's one of the slower places to get to when you're not Sir Poofs-a-lot. Us mere mortals have to invest some time and effort to go there. For the rest, you have to wait and see after traveling ye olde fashioned way.

[ Gideon grins. ]

Follow me.

[ She shoots out the top of the cloud because it's the easiest way to go and avoids any of those silver streaks that would take her wings away. They're going the 'slow' way, but Gojo only has so much patience. ]

[She takes off, and suddenly it seems like Gojo is nowhere to be seen. That is, until, he's sitting on her back as she flies. He's made it so that he weighs practically nothing, at least, and he's got his long legs pulled up, knees to his chest with his arms wrapped around them. He might be miserable, but he can still be his usual pain in the ass self too.]

Following~

[ Gideon snorts but allows it. That's fine. That works well for her. Gideon flies down, angling a bit north and a bit west so they fly toward Nereid. ]

Your entitlement is showing. [ Teasing.

Gideon slows some as they descend toward the port proper. However, instead of normal ass stopping, with maybe fifteen feet to go, Gideon retracts her wings spinning herself around, grabs Gojo, and plunks into the water at the dropneck speed no wings gives her.

As soon as they hit, her bottom half turns into a sea serpent, massive and swimming to cushion their fall so they don't hit the bottom. They surface, and Gideon laughs. She takes a moment to try to dunk his head under the water a second time. ]

Wait, are y--

[ It all happens so fast, since she waits til she's so close to the water. The expression Gideon can see on Gojo's face in that split second is complete surprise, and maybe anger. A knee-jerk reaction to anyone getting the better of Satoru Gojo, the idea that he was dumb enough to let his guard down around anyone--

She transforms again, then they're in the water. And... that's it? She just wanted to throw them both in the water? Honestly, he can almost respect it. Seems like something he would do if their positions had been flipped in their conversation.]

You incredible as--

[He's coughing and sputtering and then she gets him again. It won't happen a third time!

He surfaces, only breaching up to his chin to shoot her a look, before breaking out into a laugh. It's a quiet one, but it's a laugh nonetheless.]

You're a real piece of work, you know that?

Edited (sighs at self) 2024-03-05 02:28 (UTC)

[ Gideon laughs with Gojo and doesn't do anything a third time. She returns to fully human form and treads water with him because that too is part of this elegant dumbassery. ]

I know, and you're welcome. You can use to be thrown into the ocean every so often.

[ Because Gideon doesn't mean any harm to Gojo. She's his friend. The worst she'll pull is a dick move like this one. It's for his own good. ]

Plus Harrow's family has a whole thing about telling the truth, the deepest truths, only while swimming in seawater. I learned the horrible truth that explained so much of my childhood while swimming in a pool of seawater with her. It felt right.

How do I sleep at night knowing the awful shit I know about my future? My future, I say, because I don't even know if Harrow survives the night I come from or if she gave up the ghost for me.

Because Folkmore is the happiest part of my life I've ever had. It's the happiest future I'll ever have, and I'm not going to fucking ruin it over what happens back home. If it's the only good thing i have, then by God, by my fucking dad, Gojo—

[ Gideon rests her hands on his shoulders and nearly shakes him. ]

I'm not going to be the one to take it away from me.

[ This close up, his glasses long gone, Gideon can see in Gojo's face just how wrecked this kid is lately. It's only deepened by what she says about this being the happier future she could have ever asked for. There was a brief time where Gojo thought Folkmore might be the same for him, but instead, it seemed like everything was so far from ever being fixable.

He's legitimately relieved that Gideon has this place, that she has Harrow, that she's happy. She's a good person, she deserves it. ]

Good. Don't. Hold on to it as best as you can, okay? Like it's the only thing, because it is.

[ His shoulders are tense, and he swallows hard. Out with it, Satoru. ]

... I just think it's too late for us. For me. For-- Fuck, Gideon. She showed us one of those movies of our futures to me and Suguru. He saw what happened in my time. Then we saw more beyond that. I kill him, Gideon.

[ Her heart breaks with him. To see it in a movie. To know for sure enough of both the broad strokes and the specific details to really hit home. It's awful. It's familiar, too.

Gideon remembers standing before Palamedes in Canaan House demanding to be the one to do it, the one to kill Harrow. She'd been so sure Harrow was the murderer, the big bad murderer. If ever a day came Harrow needed killing, she would be the one to do it.

She assumes, whatever happened, that Geto needed killing. So Gojo had to be the one to do it.

Her hands squeeze his shoulders. ]

That hasn't happened yet. That hasn't happened here. If you give up, if you accept that it's too late, then it will be. For sure. You think it's too late? What if you're wrong? Isn't that worth fighting for?

[ Gideon stares into his ridiculous blue eyes with her golden ones. What a pair they make. The special eyes club. ]

The worst that could happen is you're right.

No, it hasn't happened here, and we were--

[ Before they had watched that movie, they tried to move ahead like that. Even Geto had reassured Gojo that whatever the version of him did in Gojo's time, the one in front of him wasn't that man yet. But now Geto knows what he did, and the words he said to Gojo make him unsure that those two men are at all different.

He takes a steadying breath, a hand running down his face, pushing wet hair out of the way.]

I know I told you he did something bad I didn't want him to know. That I'm from a year ahead of him. Gideon, in that time, he.... He completely loses his mind. He kills an entire town of people, he takes over a cult, he--

[And then he said the worst thing anyone's ever said to Gojo. The look on his face is almost shellshocked as he recounts it, quietly and evenly, words of someone who's truly had their heart broken. Deep truths being spoken in the seawater.]

After watching it he said, he doesn't think he made the wrong choices.

[ Well that's fucked up.

Understatement of the year. However, as the daughter of someone who has committed genocide and someone else who tried to commit genocide and had to awkwardly hear everyone argue about it all, Gideon has an inkling more is going on than Gojo is letting on.

Because who the fuck says that. Who thinks killing a whole bunch of people is a good idea (sidebar, keep Geto and Sharon far far apart from each other. If Sharon hears Geto takes over a cult in the future and Geto agrees with himself— Forget that, if she learns Geto takes over a cult, yoink time for Geto). ]

Well shit.

[ Gideon takes a deep breath. ]

He wouldn't be the first friend I have here who goes on to commit hellish horrible mass murder and agrees with it. [ That should be a more special category of person. Sure, it's only twice, but twice is a lot for this kind of thing. ]

Still, I ask, Gojo, are you going to accept that's all there is to it? Or are you going to fight for yourself, for him, and for the two of you together? Because that village isn't here. That choice isn't here. What is here is you and a second chance, even if you're having to scrape your hands and heart raw and bloody to take it.

[ He could explain the whole thing, why Geto comes to that conclusion, how non-sorcerers are the problem in his eyes. But it's all so much. ]

He... I dunno, he said it was "overkill" but... I can't stop thinking about that. I can't. All the things he said after what we saw.

["You left me long before I walked away from you." "I'm not sure I like the person you turned me into." "Would you have done anything or let things continue until I ended my own life?". His heart broken repeatedly in short order by Geto's words.]

I've told him I can't fix the past, that I want to fix it going forward. He said he needs me, that doesn't want to leave me, and I don't know if I can stand it if he walks away again. But I...

[He takes a moment to gather himself together.]

I think I'm bad for him. What if his second chance is the one without me around?

[ Gideon listens, really listens. It's both so general and so personal. Those details, those turns of phrases that eat Gojo alive, aren't said aloud. Gideon hears them in his voice, even though she doesn't know what they say. She recognizes a cracked heart when she hears one.

She's silent for a moment after he finishes talking—seriously considering the question. No immediate witty retort or snappy rejoinder. Nothing instant about it. Sometimes that's true. For people to truly process their shit and move on in a good way they need distance and separation. Sometimes that's from a person, not just the entirety of their world. Her time trying to help people improve themselves has taught her that much. So, he could be right.

He could be wrong.

The stakes are pretty damn high. ]

A few things. Please listen until I'm done. You could be right. You two could be a swirling pool of toxic codependence dragging each other down and hurting each other because you don't know how to stop.

God knows Harrow and I could have been that. There is serious shit between us. Just on the codependence note, I killed myself for her, and she lobotomized herself so she wouldn't eat my soul. You could have said that about us when we got here. Our second chance would be without each other. It could have gone horribly wrong, but we made it work. We're making it work. It's not a done deal.

So the question for each of you is: are you willing to do the work to make his second chance be with you around?

[ Gideon pauses. ]

I got more once you answer the question, but please answer it.

[He listens too, simultaneously sympathetic for and comforted by Gideon's story. To think that someone else in this universe was going through something so similar, someone he knows, someone who's a friend and lives just next door. The multiverse is truly a small place.

He's silent too, thinking. He's so hurt by the things Geto said - things he had every right to say - that it has him completely wrecked. Geto said he doesn't want to leave him. That they could make this work. Did he believe that? Gojo wasn't sure at all.

The only thing he still knows is that he loves him.

And even while they float here in the water, far away from most other Star Children, Gojo can tell exactly how Geto is feeling in this moment. Knowing Geto knows how he's feeling as well makes this all so much worse. He can't hide it from him anymore.

His voice is so quiet when he speaks up, looking down at the water.]

When I told him I wanted to fix things, it also felt like he didn't want me to. He said... he wasn't sure what he was or wasn't ready for, and... "I'm not sure I like the person you turned me into."

[His eyes shift up to her.] God, Gideon, I-I want to, I do, but... I just don't know anymore if it should be me.

Edited 2024-03-06 16:20 (UTC)

[ Gideon wants to hold Gojo close and tell him it will be all right. Except that would imply she has more control over it or idea about it than she does. Want is only the first step. Willingness to do the work. The hard work. The unfun work. The self-betterment work.

She could beam. She doesn't because it's serious shit times, but Satoru Gojo, welcome to the Eleanor Shellstrop School for Self-Betterment. You're now a student. ]

Do you know what that statement means? It means there's shit you can work on, issues that are under your control to address. If current!you is bad for him, future!you doesn't have to be. You can put in the work to make it so it should be you.

I won't lie. It'll suck tits. You'll hate it. You'll be miserable. You'll also feel so much damn better once you make progress on it. You'll be good for him.

It's up to you. The choice. The control.

[ Gideon smiles a little. ]

If you have the balls.

[He laughs, exhausted, slightly ruefully, but real.]

Don't think you can dare me into this.

[Gojo rubs at his eyes tiredly. So extremely tired.]

... If he'll let me, Gideon. He's from a time before me, before he'd become what I "turned him into". But I've seen it happen. I can't forget that, no matter how much I wish I can. It feels too late, but...

[Even after seeing what his future held, Geto had said he wanted to work on them, but something needed to change. That something was Gojo. Easier said than done.]

He said he doesn't know what he wants, but then says he wants to make this work. [Who could blame Geto for being of two minds of this?] I guess, that I know what I want to do. Even if I don't know how to do it. Maybe I...need to wait to see what he really does want.

[ Gideon boops Gojo on the nose. ]

You don't need his permission to become a better person. Even if he wants to be without you, even if this doesn't work out, don't you want to be someone who's there for their friends, their loved ones, their lover so that they don't wind up slaughtering a whole village and shit? Someone who knows that isn't their fault because they've worked through whatever their shit is?

[ Gideon brushes back some of Gojo's soaking wet hair. She rubs his shoulder. She sighs because she gets it. ]

Wanting to help him is great. Wanting to be with him is great. Other than that whole slaughter thing, he seems great. End of the day though, the way to make it stick is when it's for you.

I'm not daring you. Not in some truth or dare kind of way. God knows what you'd ask of me next round if that were the case. Oof. But you look guilty, like you feel guilty, like it's your fault to some degree. Whether or not you are, if you don't dig down into the truth of that and face it, what is it going to do to you?

I want better for you because I fucking care about you.

IC Inbox; UN: yourgirlfriendsboyfriend

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bluh sorry i keep using smallcaps as force of habit!

my firefox no longer displays smallcaps... i only can tell in email

i know you're not a fan either way ><

CW: references to suicide

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CW: reference to suicide

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